The Celery Disappointment League

Or, in other words – things that seem like they might be awesome, and sometimes are, but often are not.

Celery has it’s appeal. It has different levels of greenness, and a satisfying crunch. Apparently its good for stirring a bloody mary too.

But celery also has an unexpected wateryness that overrides some of the awesome.

And did I mention spaghetti bolognese? Because celery sometimes sneaks into that, especially if you’re following a child-friendly-vegetable-smuggling recipe, or you’ve run out of any ingredient other than celery. Actually I’m surprised no-one has spiralised it yet. It seems like celery could be the ultimate non-calorific swirly whirly thing.

Anyway, celery ranks highly in the disappointment league, closely followed by melons which have enticing names like ‘honeydew’ yet somehow taste nothing like honey or dew.

Well, maybe like dew. I just always imagine dew to be like nectar, which implies sweetness and heavenly creation. Hence perhaps the honey part?

Anyway, there is no honey OR dew in melons. Just blandness and a hefty dose of disappointment, slightly less than that proffered by celery.

Avocados always used to seem to me to be kind of disappointing, but I think I was treating them wrong. If they’re a little squidgy at both ends, then actually they are pleasingly creamy – none of that greenery and hardness that comes with the unripe and unready types. I have therefore removed them from the celery scale, and in their place instead you can find beetroot.

Beetroot is only good when pickled, unlike eggs which are only good when not pickled. Or, they might be good pickled but only when you know they are. Biting into an egg expecting boiled and receiving pickled is like the ultimate egg trickery. Not pleasant, definitely disappointing. Beetroot on the other hand is the other way round. I bit a beetroot and there was not a pickledness about it. Very very disappointing. Baby beets all the way.

And bananas are in a whole league of their own. Somehow they offer visions of disgust, yet are are actually quite nice once you get over the non-concordance aspect and dive in to a bit of banana cake.

Here ends the scale. Or league. Or whatever it is.

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