R is for relaxation – a day out at Champneys in Tring

Champney’s Tring. A whole new world of discovery for a relaxation novice like me.

The day started with muffins, sliced fruit and orange juice. Not quite what I was expecting, but then again I am partial to a muffin or two.

After being whisked past a giant pool table, a ‘music room’ remarkably bereft of trombones, trumpets and violins, and acres of corridors giving tantalising glimpses of pools, bubbly bits, loungers and treatment rooms, the gowns and flip flops were bestowed upon us and our relaxation truly began.

Except, it was kind of energetic. Waving around mitten clad hands whilst jumping up and down in the 25m pool for our initial ‘aqua mitt’ session wasn’t my first imagining of how a spa day might be, but I did enjoy it.

30 minutes later, and I’d been woken up sufficiently to fully appreciate the sleepy experience of a full body wrap and scalp massage. Which also lasted 30 minutes – perhaps not long enough, and yet any longer and I probably would have been snoring on the table. The removal of the wrap which resulted in a sudden plummeting of temperature was a pretty good wake up tactic too. Amazing how warm a bit of plastic and a towel can make you feel…

Thinking I might go back to the idea of potential snoring, I located the relaxation room, snuggled up under the big, cosy duvet on a comfortable lounger, and lay looking at the stars lazily rotating around the ceiling in the darkened room. Had it not been for my stomach rumbling in anticipation of a potentially lettuce-y lunch (all this relaxing makes a person very hungry) then I think the snoring would definitely have made an appearance.

Heeding the call of the food, we made our way to the restaurant, where a mouth-watering display of colourful culinary creations was laid out before us – mushroom gnocchi with some roasted butternut squash and courgette with peppers and basil, anyone? Yes, they were all fairly ridiculously healthy…but somehow, extremely delicious as well. In fact, I could happily have stayed there all afternoon had the body sculpture class not been calling to me. And three heaped platefuls plus one coconut and pineapple brulee is probably enough to fuel an afternoons activity, anyway…

There was definitely no call for snoring in the exercise studio – in fact I had to call it a day 45 minutes into the class as my tired muscles gave in and threw me down unceremoniously as I struggled to do just…one…more…press up.

No worries, tired body. Thalassotherapy was up next! Before going in I was really not sure what it was, and to be honest I’m still fairly clueless but it seems to involve wandering around a pool with various bubbly bits. Apparently the water is minerally. And it was warm, like a bath. So despite not understanding the actual reason for doing it, I did enjoy it – and I was happy to continue the experience by sitting in the indoor, and then the outdoor, jacuzzi’s and relaxing a bit more. I did not a plunge pool, a sauna, a steam room, and some ice…but by that point I was just too relaxed to contemplate the adrenalin fuelled squealing that such extremes might create, and so I bypassed those in favour of a lounging session on…well, a lounger.

A final stop to the skincare concession, where they advised me on products to make my face a happy one (one bottle of Decleor something or other and two weeks later and I actually have seen a big difference, so there’s definitely something in it!) and then the café. Where I had a bliss ball – some kind of peanut butter concoction which was an interesting texture – and a smoothie.

Then it was time to grab my little ziplock baggie for the last time (helpfully given to each guest to ensure that your paper timetable doesn’t get wet) and surrender my gown (apparently, they’re alarmed!) before making my way back to reality.

I could quite get used to this relaxation thing. I think I need my sister to be getting married more often…