Explaining death to a three year old

Trying to explain death to a three year old is a pretty tricky topic, it turns out.

My stepmother died at the end of last year, and although my children had never met her, inevitably there was talk about it, and little ears picked up on it. It was a bit strange for me, too, since she was Muslim and therefore the funeral process was entirely different to anything that I had even experienced before. I found the whole thing equally uncomfortable, comforting and inspiring – the Muslim cemetery with its rows of identical looking, identically orientated graves struck a chord with my personal beliefs yet the lack of a coffin and the fact that women were not allowed close jarred with my cultural upbringing.

In any case, the subject of death was raised, and the Wee Man studied me with a worried air as I fumbled around in an attempt to explain it to him in a way that wasn’t lying, yet also didn’t alarm him.

And then, the whole topic came to a head because one of Bubby D’s fish succumbed to our poor fishkeeping prowess and went to meet it’s maker in the usual fashion – through the sewage network.

‘The fish is pleased!’ the Wee Man stated, a big beam on his face. ‘He’s gone to swim in the sea, and fish like the sea, don’t they?’.

‘Er, well that’s true’ I replied ‘except that the fish is, well, unable to experience the sea properly since it is dead’.

‘Mummy, why?’

‘Ummm’…

How to explain?

So I decided to go with the ‘looking down from the stars in the sky’ explanation. Which seemed to satisfy him for a bit. Until he had a conversation with the Other Half that went a bit like this:

‘Daddy, how many numbers have you got?’

‘I’m 36’.

‘Daddy, when I’m 36, how many numbers will you have then?’

‘I’ll be 69’.

‘Daddy, when I’m 69, how many numbers will you have then?’

‘I’ll probably be dead’.

‘Daddy, will you get flushed down the toilet? Or will you go up to the stars in the sky? How will you get back again?’

‘I won’t. You don’t come back if you’re dead…’

Then the lip wobbling started, and a very worried look crossed the Wee Man’s face…

So it looks like I’ve got a bit more thinking to do. Anyone else got any suggestions? I really have no idea.