But Mums know EVERYTHING

Someone seems to have misinformed the Wee Man.

Because apparently, he is under the impression that MUMS KNOW EVERYTHING.

It is in fact rather flattering to be considered a fount of all knowledge, even though I’m completely aware that this is nowhere near the actual case. I know very little about basic physics for example (physics classes when I was at school mainly consisted of the class taking polls on who smoked, who was getting off with who and whether we could get the teachers to dress up in nappies for sports day…), and did I not have an iPad with access to Google then I feel my blindingly obvious ignorance about a whole range of subjects would be entirely more obvious.

Sometimes, I feel smug because I actually DO know the answer. The precipitation cycle? Oh yes, I remember that one.

But then there are the questions like ‘when can I have a sleepover at X’s house?’

‘I’m not sure’ I reply. ‘We’ll have to see if X invites you…’

The lip begins to wobble, and I know what’s coming…

‘BUT…MUM’S KNOW EVERYTHING!’

So, I palm it off on Daddy:

‘Daddy knows the answer, let’s ask him when he gets home!’

This is said in the hope that by hometime, Wee Man will have forgotten the question. Which, since he is 4 years old and like a very persistent dog with a bone, doesn’t really happen much – but hey, I can dream…

And then there are the times when I’ve already spent three hours explaining the intricate process of getting petrol out of tankers, into the ground, into hoses and through the nozzle and into the car and I know we use the green one because I JUST DO and IT IS WRITTEN and yes the people who wrote it did know that it was the right nozzle and general consensus led to it being green (or perhaps gnomes decided or a government special committee or WHOEVER WHO THE HELL KNOWS!) and I just give in and commit that ultimate Mummy sin – I make something up.

Which is why, if you ever ask Wee Man how mummies know where the shop is in the shopping centre that sells squidgy soaps, he’ll probably tell you that the chicken of directions told her.

He’s a very helpful chicken, that one…