The four year old’s guide to eating healthily

The Wee Man has been learning all about health and nutrition at school and now knows EVERYTHING there is to know about it, or so he assures me.

Here is his wisdom, so that others can share in his vast knowledge:

• Blue milk makes you fat. If you see someone buying/drinking blue milk it is entirely appropriate to inform them loudly that THEY ARE FAT and they must immediately switch to green milk. Red milk is silly. And don’t even THINK about gold milk. That is only for cows.
• Chickens are healthy, but only if they aren’t fried. If you see a fried chicken DO NOT EAT IT. Especially if it is next to some blue milk.
• Broccoli is healthy. So is ‘pasta broccoli’, which isn’t in fact pasta but just looks like it should be. (We’re talking about cauliflower here, in case you didn’t realise).
• Carrots are healthy but you should only eat them if you need to see in the dark. If you are sleeping when it is dark there is no point in eating carrots, and you should just eat the aforementioned broccoli types instead.
• Potatoes can be eaten. If you like potatoes, you will like chips too because they are made of potatoes.
• If you feel like eating ice cream, cookies or cake then TOTALLY DISREGARD anything you have been told about healthy eating, and feel completely justified in crying and wailing like it is the end of the world if they are denied you.

That is all.

The end.