The longest breastfeeding baby

I step through the door after a long day at work.

Little legs run down the hallway to meet me, two shining little eyes gaze up at my face, and a little hand reaches out and pats my chest.

‘Go!’ demands Little B, a questioningly fierce look on her face.

It took me a day or two to realise that she was asking me for milk!

Thinking about it, it makes  sense. When we settle down to feed, she wiggles into position, I undo my top and then I say ‘there you go’…

It’s just that I’ve never fed a baby – or toddler now, I suppose – past 18 months before, and so we have never reached the stage where I’ve had a breastfeeding child who can actually make it clear to me through talking that a feed is what they’re after.

I will admit that we have also reached the stage where I sometimes feel slightly uncomfortable feeding her when we are out in public. That’s something I’ve never experienced before either, and while I am happy myself with the decision to continue breastfeeding, I have noticed that other people don’t always seem quite so happy about it. We’ve had disapproving looks in shopping centres, people blatantly staring in disgust on the train and even the odd comment ‘isn’t she a bit old to be breastfeeding now’ and ‘she’ll be stopping doing that soon, won’t she?’

I have to say that all the signs point to no.

Little B still loves her ‘go’, and she still feeds quite regularly. I wondered if going back to work full time would mean that breastfeeding tapered off as it did with her older brother, but instead of dropping feeds Little B just makes up for it in the morning, the evening, and usually throughout the night as well. Sometimes I do sit and wonder if giving up feeding might mean an unbroken nights sleep, and I waver towards weaning. Then I remember that her big sister is no longer breastfeeding and that in no way guarantees a good night of sleep for everyone anyway! When it comes down to it, Little B is still very happy to be breastfeeding, and I am (usually) happy to feed her. There are the odd occasions where I feel like I just want my body back for myself, where she’s pinchy and wriggly and grabby and I just want to pass out exhausted or have a bit of time to myself, but again, I think those sorts of thing happen anyway whether breastfeeding or not. And being able to offer her breastmilk when she’s poorly, like she was last week, is comforting for both of us. I hate seeing her ill and in pain, and she loves to be able to snuggle up and get comfortable when she is a bit under the weather, so it is beneficial for both of us in that respect. I do sometimes wonder what I’ll do when offering a feed to soothe her isn’t an option any more (I still remember how helpless and horrible it felt the first time D was poorly after she stopped feeding and we didn’t quite know what to do about it).

I know it won’t last forever, and I wouldn’t want it to either – but that comment above…

she’ll be stopping soon, won’t she?

…well, I guess that’s right, in a way. In the way that it questions if she will or not, because when it comes down to it I don’t know. And whether she does or she doesn’t, that’s ok. I’ll be taking her lead and letting her tell me when it’s time to ‘stop’ instead of ‘go’.

It’s not something that works for everyone. But it works for Little B and me. So my longest feeding baby can keep on feeding longer, if she wants. We’ll just have to wait and see.