But why, Mummy?

Disaster! (or it would be if I subscribed to a Zingzilla’s definition, where anything that causes a minor inconvenience is described as one…)

The Wee Man has discovered one of the words that often cause a look of vague worry to appear in a parents eyes, and following protracted use, a look of frustration, swiftly continued with thinly veiled irritation.

Why, Mummy?

Some questions are easy to answer, for example – ‘But why is the moon gone Mummy?’ Answer – ‘It’s visiting New Zealand’. Technically true, and it seemed to satisfy the Wee Man.’Why are elephants so big, Mummy?’ Answer – ‘They ate LOTS of peanuts’.

But then I got to thinking, what about when the questions become more elaborate. I did go to school of course, and learn lots of…stufff…

I even went to University, and learnt some more…stuff…

But that was a while ago. Before I had children. Before my brain was eaten by SNAILS!

What if, for example, the Wee Man were to ask me what would happen if the aforementioned elephants lived on the aforementioned moon?

 

First of all, there are the logistics of elephants getting to the moon. Presumably they’d need humans to help them. So I’d need to explain elephant – human intercommunication, international and immigration law, and rocket science.

Next, they’d need to adapt extremely quickly, die (which would therefore by default mean they weren’t ‘living’ on the moon), or create some kind of earth-atmosphere biosphere to live in (again this may be quite difficult for elephants, who aren’t known for their dexterity and construction skills). So I’d need to explain evolution, elephant biology, and the rudiments of construction skills.

Thirdly, they’d need some source of sustenance (peanuts?) and some water. Required explanation – agriculture, terraforming, geology, photosynthesis…

And then I got to wondering, would the extra mass of all these elephants living on the moon cause a problem for gravitational shift, affecting the tides on earth?

Luckily, I know a rocket scientist physicist type person, so I decided to ask him. This is what he said:

Moon has a mass of 7.3E22kg, Vs the biggest elephants 1.2E4kg – so you’d need 6000 trillion elephants for a 0.1% difference.

Phew. Elephants on the moon are therefore unlikely to cause a problem for the earth. Could you even fit 6000 trillion elephants on the moon?

Surface area of base of largest elephant – 13.2msq. Surface area of moon – 379,000,000,000msq. Required surface area for 6000,000,000,000 elephants = well, its clearly more than the surface area available, anyway. So…elephants would need to learn to build high rise apartments! (Explanation then required of planning law, modern methods of construction, and sustainability).

And how long would it even take to get 6000 trillion elephants, anyway, given the current population and long gestational period for reproduction?

I just don’t think its possible. In fact…

Wee Man – ‘Mummy, could elephants live on the moon?’

My new, revised answer – ‘I just don’t think its possible’.

Success!

But, WHHHHYYYY, Mummy?

Uh oh.