Four years ago…

Four years ago I wasn’t yet a mum.

I was waiting in anticipation, giant bump at the ready.

I was about to go into labour.

I was about to have my life changed irrevocably forever.

Four years ago, I didn’t know that in an hours time I would look down at my beautiful baby boy and feel a totally encompassing love. I couldn’t understand how fiercely I would love you, protect you, care for you.

But now, four years later I do.

Four years later, as you sleep your last sleep as a three year old, I wonder at how much you have grown since the day you emerged as a tiny, blue eyed baby.

Every day is filled with questions, every day you learn something new. Why do bees sting and how do they do it? Where does poo go when you flush the toilet? How do clouds appear in the sky? Why don’t all aeroplanes go to New Zealand and how does a train go under the sea? How does the postman know to bring exciting parcels? Where does the ice cream van get ice cream from – is it from a GIANT ice cream van lorry?

And you have total trust in me. If I say ‘I don’t know’, you are confused, because ‘Mums know everything!’

And I don’t know everything, nowhere near everything. In fact some days I feel like curling up, shutting everything else out, and just sleeping for hours. But then I look at your inquisitive face filled with wonder, hear your mispronounced words (my favourite is ‘open and troll’ for ‘remote control’) and the excitement in your voice and I realise that I don’t want to miss any of it. Even the sibling snatching, the howling and screaming and the asserting your independence accompanied by fervent stating of ‘I DON’T WANT THAT!’. Despite the sibling rivalry, you are such a lovely brother to Bubby D, looking out for her, protecting her, making sure something is saved for her if she isn’t around.

In September, you will be starting school, and you tell me you will be a ‘big boy’. I can’t believe that it’s time for school already.

To me you will always be that little boy that I welcomed into my arms, almost four years ago.

So Happy Birthday Wee Man. I wonder what new things we will discover together when you are four.