Just say no

All through life, we are told to say no.

Say no to strangers. (Apparently this was a bad ‘no’ campaign, as it actually taught children that non-strangers are not a problem. Since a lot of child related crimes are perpetrated by people already known to the family, it backfired a bit. So say those Criminal Minds people, and they are a bit clever, I reckon).

Say no to that second slice of cake. Say no to super-special-once-only-offers that you can’t afford even though you *could* put it on the credit card and get yourself further into the anti-money stakes.

So, it came as a bit of a shock when I was at a parents group the other day, and was told that I should be learning how ‘not to say no’ to my children.

That apparently doesn’t mean that I should always say yes. Instead, you just avoid saying the word ‘no’. For example, when the Wee Man asks me if he can watch the Fire Engine episode of Peppa Pig again for the umpteenth time (I say asks, perhaps demands would be a better word), rather than screaming ‘NO. It’s driving Mummy insane’ I should instead reply ‘you CAN watch Peppa Pig Fire Engine, but later on. Right now lets colour in this picture of a ladybird…’.

So I thought about this. Then I went home, and listened to myself and the Other Half, and how many times we say, scream, or shout the word NO. Actually, it does get used rather an awful lot. Perhaps the parent group leader has a bit of a point?

So I decided to try out her advice.

Wee Man is jumping on his sister. So I say to the Wee Man ‘you CAN jump on your sister, but not until she is a lot bigger and able to jump on you back’. Wee Man just looks at me blankly, then continues his attempts to jump on his sister. He ends up in the corner.

Later, Wee Man wants ice cream for lunch. ‘You CAN have some ice cream, but only after you have eaten a mouthful of mashed potato, this pea, and this piece of sweetcorn’. Amazingly, after 30 minutes of cajoling, he eats the pea, the potato and the sweetcorn, and by this point has been so enraged/sulky/tired out by the process of trying to get some ice cream, that he actually forgets about the ice cream. Well, that’s a result, of sorts…

Later still, and the Wee Man is refusing to have his nap. ‘Not a nap, I want to walk RolyDog’ he exclaims, in a voice with the beginnings of a howl coming on. ‘You CAN walk RolyDog’ I say ‘But only after you’ve had a nap’. ‘Not a nap!’ he screams. And so on…

In the end – compromise. A nap, but followed by walking RolyDog AND I will make him a milkshake. So, I’ve avoided saying no, but have had to resort to minor bribery instead.

Of course, there are some instances where you just have to say no. When he’s about to bite the lady sitting next to us on the tube, for example. (Well, not the lady herself, but the scarf she is wearing. The Wee Man seems to have a bit of a thing about biting scarves at the moment, and I’ve no idea why).

In general though, whether it’s working or not, it’s certainly making life more interesting and creative. So will we keep doing it? YES!