The babies on the bus go…a tale of the birds and the bees

Wee Man is very excited about the (according to him) imminent arrival of Pippin. He’s been running around telling everyone who will listen that ‘Mummy has a baby in her tummy, and it’s coming out after Christmas!’.

Early on, it was a bit of a giveaway. I got random texts from people asking about the truthfulness of his comments. Now, however, with my stomach muscles having basically gone…’er, what…that again?…oh, whatever’ and completely giving up around 6 weeks, I have a noticable bump that confirms what he is saying without the need for any verbal collaboration.

He’s told people in shops, people in the playground, and people on the bus.

But what the people on the bus probably WEREN’T expecting to hear was a long drawn out inquisition about how exactly the baby got IN to Mummy’s tummy.

‘Mummy’ said the Wee Man questioningly, on his way to GymBobs with me ‘how did Pippin get in your tummy?’

‘er…we’ll talk about it later’ I said, noting the amused looks of nearby passengers on the very full bus.

‘NO MUMMY, I NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!’ the Wee Man demanded loudly.

‘Oh, look, a chocolate!’ I attempted hopefully, rooting round in my bag.

Sadly, even chocolate – a usual surefire emergency embarassment saving solution – wasn’t going to work this time.

‘NOW MUMMY. NOT LATER. NOT CHOCOLATE – ok chocolate but HOW ARE BABIES PUT IN MUMMIES TUMMIES TELL ME RIGHT NOWWWW’.

I thought quickly. ‘Well, Daddy gives Mummy a special cuddle, and then Pippin starts growing’ I said.

‘But, how does he start growing? Is it like an acorn? Where does the acorn come from? How does the cuddle put the acorn in there? Is there dirt in your tummy…?’ the questions went on and on, my face got redder and redder – and the smirks and sniggers from other people on the bus got louder and louder.

Eventually I gave in, and in a low voice I told him.

‘Daddy’s seed is magic! He says the magic words, and the seed goes POP and disappears from Daddy and lands in Mummy’s tummy! ABRACADABRA!’

The Wee Man’s eyes went big with wonder.

‘Mummy’ he said. I braced myself.

‘One day I might be a Daddy. Does that mean I’ve got magic seeds in me?’

‘Yes, when you’re big you will’ I told him.

‘Ooh!’ he said, eyes shining.

And he sat down, and ate his chocolate, and contemplated a while.

And then, once everyone had stopped looking, and listening, and gone back to their usual staring-out-of-the-window bus travel selves, he muttered

‘abracadabra’

and grinned.

 

 

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