U is for unlikely

As in, unlikely things to happen.

And here are some of them:

• having a bath which does not have at least one of the following in it: spahetti, a duck, a small child, cupfuls of cold water, unidentifiable floating debris
• an unaccompanied toilet trip (sometimes, if I’m lucky, I can get away with no running commentary though…)*
• ability to eat food that is a) hot and b) solely for me and c) not plastered all down my front / in my hair / on my face (note to Bubby D…I do know how to feed myself…)
• The population of the moon by turophiles
• Locating two matching clean socks on a weekday morning
• A decent night’s sleep uninterrupted by howling, small wee soaked pre-schoolers, vomiting cats or high volume snoring
• Weasels taking over the world. (I’ve never seen a real weasel. They seem remarkably absent from zoos, and very clever at hiding in the countryside. So I suppose you could conclude that they are excellent at evading capture and fairly ninja-like in their activities…which could mean that a weasel takeover bid is imminent and no-one suspects a thing…

…but I still think it’s unlikely.

Why would weasels want to deal with world politics anyway? It’s all very time consuming. Much nicer to lie around in the sun in the countryside, making little weaselly noises and singing weaselly songs…

• Getting through the day without screaming
• Leaving the house, and arriving at our destination in good time, with two clean children and with all the necessary equipment organised and available to maintain a relaxed and clean status throughout the day.
• The house remaining presentable and clean (or ever being clean in the first place) for more than 5 minutes.
• The invention of something cleverer than zips. They aren’t sticky and fluff attracting. They hold things together tightly, yet are easy to undo. They can go up and down, or both at the same time. They make a satisfying buzz like noise if you’re bored…and they can be invisible. I’d like to see glue, buttons or Velcro give all that a try!

 

*unless I am at work. Then, I get to enjoy the luxury of my own little toilet world.